2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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