When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
