Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
