Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
