mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
