I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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