You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
