Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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