i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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