My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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