Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
