I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
