i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
