i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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