I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
