Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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