I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My legs feel like baby dolphins
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
