If that was your dad, he is hot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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