a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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