So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
