This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
