Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
