i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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