Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
