If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
