She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
