Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
