Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
