Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
