You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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