I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
