Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
