White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
