i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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