Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
