im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
