just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
