Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
