2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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