Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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