lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
