i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
