Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
