i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
