Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
