____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
