I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
