Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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