yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pants are for mortals
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
