i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
