I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
