This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
