Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The air taste purple.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
