spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
