Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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