I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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