roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
