Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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